Today I took no pictures
Yesterday I borrowed a camera lens and tripod from the photography department for this weeks project. I created some bodyscapes in the studio space but wanted to capture the autumnal colours outside and experiment with the varying depth of fields as within John Hilliard’s work.
This morning I walked out to a local park trying to find the perfect subject for my photographic experiments but once I was all set up I realised I left my card still plugged into my laptop at home. To go back home and to the park again was another hour round trip. I started heading back felling incredibly angry at myself but it made me start to think about a few things. Since moving to Leeds I haven’t just been for a walk to enjoy the scenery. When I lived in Japan I did it frequently, whenever I felt trapped, upset or alone I just took my camera and went walking for hours. I’d usually end up at a temple and photograph things along the way. I found it relaxing and soothing and a way of feeling more at home in my surroundings. I don’t feel at home in Leeds and I’m really struggling to find normality in day-to-day life. I constantly feel isolated, trapped and alone but haven’t found a way to express or deal with this. Photography seems like a good place to start but then I begin to wonder why?
Why do we take photographs of the things we see? What is so important that we need to document? Is it because my life feels so temperamental that I have no idea where I will be in the next few years and that scares me? Or is that liberating and freeing and I want to capture the moments and memories whilst they last? I have no memories here though, am I really just creating a false version of my life here? Who is this for? Everyone likes to share his or her lives on social media but do we ever present the real ‘us’? What happens behind the lens? Where am I writing this from and why?
We show the things we want people to see about our lives and what we think others want to see. Is anything we see ever ‘real’ anymore? Can we just go to a place purely just to exist and enjoy the experience without having to document it and prove to others, often strangers, that we are enjoying the life we lead? What is the point in having these experiences if they aren’t even for us to enjoy but for the enjoyment of others when they take a glimpse into our life.
Simply taking a picture never feels enough. The process doesn't feel complete until the image is then edited and shared. But shared where? Facebook, Instagram, Flickr, A Gallery, A personal exhibition, Printed and hung on the wall? Why do we go to the trouble of creating something with the purose of sharing? Why can’t we call someone up and tell them about the day we had and how it felt? Why do we have to visually represent that in an image that lasts. They say a picture can tell 1000 words. Is that because words fade and disappear just as soon as they are spoken, whereas a picture lasts for as long as the materials can hold it? Do we ever really listen when people speak?
When we look at artwork we all bring our own interpretations. Our experiences thrown on the image we look at. Our life changing the way we perceive things. Is that what the artist intended? Is that what happens when we listen to someone speak? Do we ever hear what they say or only what we want to hear?
I did not go back and take pictures with a memory card today. I enjoyed my walk and the experience I had. I enjoyed the thoughts that came from it and I enjoyed thinking about why people create work and realising that its okay that I don’t know what I want to create or why, or for whom.
Tomorrow will be a different day and I may try again to capture something for someone.
